i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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