I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize