Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
