just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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