I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
