he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
