he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
