If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
