...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
