sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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