well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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