Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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