your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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