i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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