Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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