Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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