your parents love me but you hate me
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
