Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
