she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
