My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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