Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
