im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize