Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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