So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
