unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
