I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
