can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
grandma shit on top of the toilet
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
