do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
