singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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