Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Randomize
