dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just gift wrapped bread.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
