Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
