if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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