Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
