The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
