My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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