apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
