I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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