i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize