I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
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