dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
