I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize