Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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