Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
