he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
