question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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