and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
