I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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