I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
