my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
