Your tits are I can't wait for
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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