I can't watch pbs sober anymore
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
