Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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