So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
