hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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