You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
