So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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