I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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