Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize