But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
