question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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