I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We need to rekindle our bromance
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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