im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You smell like stripper and shame
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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