i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
