glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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