I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
