my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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