if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
