i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
