I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
