I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
