Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
