i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
