You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize