well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
i need some magic done to my vagina
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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