I bet he comes in French.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
