Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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