I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i've created a new STD.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
