how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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