one two three fourrrrnication!
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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