she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
