i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
