next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize