Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
A+ Viking dick
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
