if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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