How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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