so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
