Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
