five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
